It's Time for a New Year

2008 was definitely a trying year, one that at times I wasnt sure I would make it through. I lost people that I never thought I would, not this early anyways. As 2009 comes I want to put the bad behind me and remember all the good as I know 2009 is going to be a year of accomplishments, new dreams, and finally the year I will start my new life with Ryan. Tonight as midnight hits, I know that all the sadness and heartbreak of 2008 are behind me and although there could be more in the new year I know that I can handle it and that Ryan will be there with me every step of the way. Tonight I will raise my glass and toast to putting the bad in the past, where it belongs, and remembering the good as we move into another year. I hope this new years finds all of you happy and with great health and may God bless you:)

Remembering

Maybe it’s much too early in the gameAh, but I thought I’d ask you just the sameWhat are you doing New Year’sNew Year’s Eve? Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tightWhen it’s exactly twelve o’clock that nightWelcoming in the New YearNew Year’s EveMaybe I’m crazy to supposeI’d ever be the one you choseOut of a thousand invitationsYou’d receiveAh, but in case I stand one little chanceHere comes the jackpot question in advanceWhat are you doing New Year’sNew Year’s Eve?Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tightWhen it’s exactly twelve o’clock that nightWelcoming in the New YearNew Year’s EveWhat are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Every Christmas they play this song and a flood of emotions come to me. My grandmother used to sing this song to me every year. My brother and I used to spend every new years eve at my grandparents. I have these vivid memories of her in the kitchen cooking and singing what are you doing this new years eve, why dont you come spend it with me. Her own variation of the song. It was always so beautiful to me and it is one of the many memories I have of her. When I hear it its like she is looking down on me, telling me its ok. I miss her very much especially during the holidays and the song has always brought some sense of peace to me. When New years eve rolls around I will be thinking of her and know she is and always will be looking down on me until we meet again.

Just One of Those Days..

Some days I get in these weird moods and I dont know why or how to change them. I get agitated about minor things and I just feel really aggravated. I dont like being like this and usually it leads to fights that are not necessary. Im sure it is just hormones but I really hate it and it makes me feel like I have no control over my body. I usually try and do things to distract myself like watch tv or read. I thought maybe writting about it might bring some therapy. I think it is a combination of stress or worry and hormones. Due to Christmas I have no money right now and wont until next Friday. Fortunately I have all my gifts, but it still stresses me out and it is just another thing that I can't control. I know next year I will finally have a "real"job meaning I will be on salary with benefits and making a whole lot more than seven dollars an hour and I just keep holding on to that because I know life will be much easier, but sometimes in these moods I get hung up on things. Im praying to find some peace tonight and just enjoy this time with family and remember those we are missing during this time. I put my faith in God and know he will take care of me and those around me.

Maybe

Maybe I wasn’t ready for you to go.
Maybe I still had so much to show.
Maybe I love you wasn’t said enough.
Maybe there wasn’t enough time.
Maybe I wasn’t ready to say good-bye.
Maybe I wanted to walk across the stage.
Maybe I wanted you to see it and say GREAT!
Maybe I wanted to make you proud.
Maybe I wanted you to say wow!
Maybe your life ended too soon.
Maybe it just isn’t fair.
Maybe I want you to be there.
Maybe I wish I could have been there more.
Maybe it was you that I adored.
Maybe I loved you so much.
Maybe I wish you were here to touch.
Maybe I have to let you go.
Maybe I am just not ready to do so.

Christmas

Christmas is very exciting this year! This is Ryan and I's first Christmas in our house and together instead of splitting up and going to our own families separately. This year we will celebrate Christmas morning together and then go to our parents together. I am more excited about that, than any of the gifts. It is exciting to me to be starting our own traditions as well as partaking in those that our families have set for us. I still put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving just as my mom as done every year. I remember doing this as a child, I usually got ornament boxes down or handed her the limbs for the fake tree in the family room, but it was always fun listening to Christmas music and watching the tree take form. Im not sure what kind of new traditions Ryan and I will start, but I dont think traditions are something you plan out, I think they just happen. I can't wait to have our own traditions and pass them on to our future children and then look back several years and know that we will always do these things and perhaps our kids will pass them on to their families. It is a very exciting time! I am excited that this time next year I will be celebrating Christmas with a new name, a family of my own, being married to my best friend, and starting my very first career after college:)

FREEDOM

So, about a week and a half ago I could not wait for school to be out and have an entire month off. Now I am ready to go back, Im sure two weeks into January I will be cursing myself for this. I have never been one who can just relax, I always have to be moving. In the morning of a day with no plans I usually get dressed and just head out with no idea of where I am going. I think my reasoning for wanting school to start is more because I know how close I am to being done. I have to more semesters left in the program, so I am very anxious to finally start my career. In the mean time I have started to read again, something other than social work textbooks and it makes me so happy. I know not everyone likes to read but it is always something I have loved, since I was a little girl. I dont always have the time I would like so summers and christmas breaks have always been my chance to catch up. This summer I wont have much time since Im taking several classes, so I hope to read a lot over the next month. I have some how finished my Christmas shopping, so with no stressors I will read all that I can:)

It's TIME

Wow, so today is our engagement party and I have never been more excited!!! Ryan and I have been engaged for over a year now and this is the first time that the wedding is real. In a month I will be trying on wedding dresses and when I think about that it is sureal, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! I have never been more excited or more sure of anything in my life. Ryan and I have been together for over six years now and I truly can't wait to call myself his wife. We are a perfect team, he teaches me something new everyday and he is always trying to make me a better person. We better each other and I think that is something we will continue to do the rest of our lives. Tonight is the start of our wedding planning. Our families are meeting, some for the first time, and that is so important to me. There is nothing more important to me than family and I love both my new family and my originiating family and cant wait for them to meet each other. I know this time is going to fly by so I am trying my best to enjoy every seccond of it and cherrish it.

Im back..again

Ok so I know I periodically disappear and then return. The school semester finished today and I am vowing to be more active in my blogging..it just makes me feel better,less irritable. As my first semester of the social work program has come to a close I have been thinking about many things besides the fact that I now have an entire month to consume my life with something other than school. I am reflecting and realizing that this semester has alowed me to grow so much as a person, I am so different than I was when I first started my classes in August. I have developed so many incredible friendships that will continue to grow as we go through the next two semesters together and then graduate together. I am much more comfortable in my skin and for the first time in my life know exactly who I am and what I want to do in this world and I am excited about it! Over the next month I plan on being able to clean my house regularly:) catching up on some much needed leisure reading and just enjoying time off, time with out anything in particular to do...something I do not always handle very well, but realize that I need to just relax because after this month I wont have that opportunuty for a while. Not that I am complaining because the next eleven months hold so many exciting things, but being still can help me appreciate everything that lies ahead.

Tell Me More Tuesday

     Dear Jessica,

You are so much more than my sister, you are my best friend. Growing up I never thought we would ever be as close as we are but I am so blessed. You are always there for me when I need someone to listen to or to tell me that it will be ok. You have usually gone through what I am going through so you know what to say to get me through it. I am so proud of you and everything you are. I watch the person you have become over the years and I am so proud to call you my sister. You are compassionate, dedicated, loving, encouraging, and a beautiful woman inside and out.  

I am so excited to be a part of your wedding next weekend. I know life has not always been kind to you and it is truly a blessing to watch you marry a man who will stand by you for the rest of your life. We are at such an exciting point in our lives and I cannot wait to see all the wonderful things God has in store for us. I love you so much!

                                                                     Love Always, 

                                                                              Lo

Today will be a day of venting!!

As the election came to a close I was excited for numerous reasons, but two in particular. 1. To find out who our next president would be, and 2. So people would stop this political bashing. After the election I got on facebook and noticed that the bashing had progressed to an even higher level of hatred. Don't get me wrong I understand that this was an extremely intense and an extremely divided election, and I know how much it can hurt to lose. But when that sadness and hurt turns to racism and just down right nasty comments that arent even remotely true I have some issues. I have seen comments about people "hangin on to their guns", making references to seeing more weaves!! What is this! I guess some people feel he doesnt have the experience, well maybe if we gave him the chance to prove himself you would see that he is more qualified than any president we have had in a very long time. I assume that by qualified people mean he does not have a war hero record, well I hate to break it to you but neither did George Bush. And neither did the "lovely" Sarah Palin! Even if you do not believe that Obama has enough experience then look at his Vice President, an extremely respectable man with an impecable record! I admire John McCain and everything he has done for our country, so this is not about bashing him. This is about standing behind the new president of the U.S. and giving him a chance to either prove you wrong and prove you right. Lets stop the bashing and the racism and enjoy being a part of history. Rejoice for all the men and women who never thought they would live to see this day, who suffered through slavery, segregation, and the assasination of Martin Luther King. Rejoice for all the children who know have a successful role model to look up to, and say I can do that. Rejoice in all the good things that are about to happen to our country. This man is an advocate for community, something I believe a lot of people have forgotten. In this era of technology it is so important to have a sense of community and to make sure your community is doing the job they are supposed to be. I have never been more excited to be an American and to be a social worker.

Tuesday Tell Me More

Dear Brooke,

Most of my friends and family do not know you, but you are a five year old who has inspired my life more than anyone else. You have luekemia and although it was almost in remission it has relapsed and now you are waiting for a transplant and fighting for you life. You have a spirit that most people will never have. Your love for life and the special people in your life inspires me everyday. You love to play with dolls, bake in your easy bake oven, and you are always bringing special gifts from the heart for everyone to enjoy. You are such a strong fighter and in my eyes an angel from God. I know that everything will be ok and God will take care of you. I pray every night that a transplant becomes available to you. I love you more than you will ever know.

                                                     Love Always,

                                                         Lauren

I hope that people remember how precious life truly is. Remember Brooke's story as you go through your day. Be kind to everyone because you never know what hardships they are carrying.

Tell Me More Tuesday

Dear Ryan,
Since the day I met you, you have been changing the person I am for the better. You are my best friend and are always there for me, through the good and the bad. Although we have acknowledged that our relationship has not been perfect, we also realize that the rough patches have made us the couple we are and will prepare us to get through anything together. Your dedication and hard work to everything you do inspires me every day. Your thirst for knowledge is incredible, you are always wanting to learn how to do things yourself, something I am not very good at. You are much more sensitive than most people realize and that sensitivity is one of the things that I fell in love with six years ago. I dont care what you think, I laugh at you because you are funny, not because I want to make you think your jokes are funny. I love your sense of humor more than anything, hearing you laugh is like music to my ears. In about a year we will finally be getting married and I am so excited to finally call you my husband! I know that what lies ahead is only excitement, deeper love, and a step into a new life, together. I love you so much! Love always and forever, Lauren

Deja Vu

During the upcoming election there is a proposition, known as amendment 2, that is causing some controversy. It states that marriage must be between a man and a women. Some people don't understand what there is to think about. I ask you, who are we to tell people who they can and can't love, and then discriminate against them. This is not any different that what happened centuries ago when the government and churches discriminated against African Americans. Its like we target those who are different, by color, gender, or sexuality. So I ask you when you go to vote in a few weeks who is this amendment really going to hurt. Not you! Its going to hurt those who can't marry the ones they love and then in turn can't adopt children, can't get their partners benefits, and at some times can't even be in the hospital room with their partner because they are legally not family!

Wordless Wednesday

Tell Me More Tuesday

Dear Mom,
I am so proud to call you my mother. I have never met anyone with as much strength as you have. No matter how hard things get you always stick with it. I have learned so much from what you do and from what you have taught me. I am a much more independent women because of you. I am learning to love myself inside and out because of you. I am determined because you have always taught me that I can do anything I want. I truly believe that with out you I would not be the woman I am today. I would not love or care the way I do. I would not have the values I do and be able to stand behind them the way I do. I love you more than you will ever know and I am so blessed to have such a beautiful relationship with you that continues to grow to new levels every day. I love you!
Love Always,
Lauren

We Found It!!

We finally found the place where we will get married!! Here are so pictures. I couldnt get any of the ballroom because there was a buisness convention going on, but I will post more soon. The first two pictures are inside the terrace. This are can be used for a small reception or for the cocktail hour in conjunction with the ballroom. It is beautiful, all brick, and the windows over look the water. The next picture is outside of the terrace. The next picture are the stairs I would walk down into the ceremony. The picture of the water is where we would get married. There is a horse shoe shape before the water and that is where the chairs would be and then we would put an altar or a huppah in front of the water. The last picture is looking back up toward the stairs from the water. Hope you enjoy!!

Im Scared

I tend to fear activites that differ from my normal routine. I haven't always been this way, it has changed as I got older. It hasn't ever affected my everyday life until recently. I found an internship that would be a great experience for me and if they hire me they will pay for my graduate school classes. I would be working with adolescents, 10-17, that have behavioral and emotional problems. This is a population I have no experience with and that makes me a little nervous. But I also know that in the field of social work I am working with such a diverse population, many of which I have no experience with. After much thinking and aprehension, I have decided that I am going to apply for this internship and use it as a great learning experience. When the internship is over I will know one of two things, either I will love working with this population or it wont be the population for me. Today is the first step in the direction of trying new things with out being scared.

Tell Me More Tuesday

Dear Rachel K,
I'm not sure that you know the impact you have had on my life. As we all know life was not too kind to me last year and through it all you were always there for me, whether it was to listen or just to send me an encouraging message so that I knew you were thinking about me. Those messages got me through some times I never thought I would come back from. I know our lives can get busy and time goes by with out us talking but when I need a prayer you always let me know you are praying for me. Those simple words, Im praying for you, are always an encouragement to keep going and know that someone is looking out for me. I feel so blessed to have you not only as a friend but also as a sister. Our relationship has grown so strong over the past six years and I know it will only continue to grow stronger. I love you so much!
Love Always,
Lauren

A stroll down memory lane

The night we got engaged
Memorial Day 2007
Prom 2005
One of our first dates:)

Do we need to go back to kindergarden?

So the past few weeks of the political race I have noticed a lot of name calling and do you know who you are really voting for? I dont know about you but I learned at a very young age that calling names is not only wrong but nothing good ever comes of it. I can vividly remember kids being embarrassed to tell their middle name because someone had made fun of them. I am aware that sometimes middle names may not be approving of all, but how is that a persons fault, they did not pick their names, so what are they supposed to do be ashamed and change their name? Im a little sick of our country valuing the fact that we are a melting pot but then when something or someone is different from you, you execute it. Today I ask you to be open to something or someone different from you, for difference is what makes each one of us individuals. Instead of challenging that just accept it, you might be suprised at what you find.

Tuesday Tell Me More

Dear Rachel Marie,
I never thought that I would find such a beautiful friend and sister when I met Ryan. I don't know that you know this but I have always looked up to you, you always seemed to roll with punches, not worry what people think of you, and you are an incredible leader. You have always been there for me, from helping me with a paper to helping me get through some of the greatest tragedies in my life. You have taught me that God always has a purpose no matter what you are feeling about life at the time. Your resiliency and passion for life truly inspires me to work through the tough patches and know that God has something better planned for me. I just want you to know how much I love you and admire you. I am truly blessed to have you in my life and I know that through our future struggles, successes, and exciting news our relationship will only continue to get stronger and we will only continue to become closer sisters.
Love Always,
Lauren

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday Tell Me More

I have decided for every tuesday I will tell you about someone who impacts my life. Losing several people close to me this past year I vowed never to not let someone know how much they mean to me. What could be a more perfect way than letters on the world wide web:)

Dear Ronda,
I don't know if you realize how greatly you have impacted my life. Yes you are my soon to be mother in law but I feel that our relationship goes so much deeper than that. You have taught me to keep an open mind about anything and everything, something that is not always easy for me to do. Sometimes I get stuck in my ways but I am trying every day to do something outside of my box, whether it be something good for the environment or for humanity. The past year was a very rough time for me and while I was practically living with you you were always there with open arms and let me open up when I was ready to, that means more to me than words could ever express. I hear stories about "crazy" mother in laws and know that I am truly blessed to have found such a special friend in my mother in law. I hope you know how much I love you and how much you have touched my life. I look forward to watching our relationship grow to new levels and to everything I will continue to learn from you. I love you.
Love always, Lauren
Stay tuned for next weeks person who has touched my life.

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

Im Back!

So I havent blogged in quite some time as school has truly gotten the best of me. This is my first semester in the social work program and altough I am very excited it has truly been an overwhelming two months. I have finally gotten myself caught up and in the swing of things. Good thing because the next few months bring a lot of exciting things and I would like to be able to enjoy them all. My sister is getting married in two months and I am so excited. We are making all the finishing touches. Today I bought necklaces to match the earrings we already purchased for the bridesmaids (myself and another girl) so the jewlery is all set. On Monday I went with my sister for her bridal fitting and she looks absolutely stunning. I see how excited she is to start her new life and it truly touches my heart. To top all of this excitement off, baseball season is coming to a close which means that my mom and dad will be home monday until the season presumes again in February. This is also the first holiday season that we are able to decorate our house:) I have all my halloween stuff up inside and my wreath on the door. I am hoping to get some stuff for outside to make the house look festive. I love it!! As the fall season is upon us I am finding myself getting more and more excited about the year the lies ahead. We will be getting married a year from november and I will be graduating a year from december. It is all so exciting and I cannot wait to embrace it. God is so good!

I miss you everyday

Today is my uncle bobby's birthday and it brings a flood of memories back. For those of you who dont know my grandmother, mother and uncle all share birthdays the first week of september. Every year we celebrate their birthdays together, this will be the first year we dont. My uncle died in January after a long long battle with pancreatic cancer. I sometimes wonder if he knew that he was my role model or that he was my favorite. He was the only one I was ever concerned with if he was proud of me. I have always struggled with school and he was always so proud and encouraging when I brought my grades up. He had this strength and proud character that I have never seen in anyone. He never wanted people to know that he had cancer or that he was in pain, his clients at work didnt even know he had cancer. I often wonder if he knows how much he taught all of us about life. My cousin left him a letter telling him to smell the roses. An important lesson we can all learn. Sometimes we get so wrapped in life, work and school that we forget what is important. So as you go through the weekend remember to take some time to smell the roses. Enjoy time with your family, take a walk, tell someone how much they mean to you. We arent promise tomorrow, so live today as if it is your last.

Tuesday Tell Me More

I love to cook.
I dont like politics but know they affect the world around me.
I like to vacuum.
Im trying to be happy with who I am.
I love rainy days.
I wonder why we can help people in every other country except our own.
I miss dancing.
Reading is my outlet.
My family means the world to me and Im closer to them than most people.
I have been fortunate enough to not only have my biological sisters but to have gained to sisters in dating my fiance.
I cant wait to start my life with Ryan.
I love children and cant wait to have a family of my own.
I laugh at everything and realize that that is ok.

Think About It Thursday

Some sayings that my late grandfather lived by:

Life is not a matter of problems its a matter of solutions
A dog has four legs can only go in one direction
If the look stupid they probably are stupid
Experience is the accumulation of your mistakes
Marriage is the only institution that you go to bed with the enemy

As I think about these sayings it reminds me that no matter what happened to my grandfather he always had a smile on his face and a joke to tell. I promised myself that no matter who told me I laughed to much I would ignore that and continue to do it. I feel that laughter keeps me from going crazy and from taking life too seriously. I think it is one of my greatest qualities and something that there is not enough of. So today when you find life getting you down just laugh, it will make you feel better.

What do you do?

What do you do when life gets hard? Do you roll with the punches? Do you let it get you down? Sometimes you lose the control of which you decide. Sometimes people make mistakes, I mean that is why Jesus died on the cross right? So why is it that others cant always find a place to forgive you? Maybe that is their imperfection, but does that seem fair? Lately some of the people that are closest to me seem to be drifting the farthest apart. It pains me to watch it unfold and it consumes the majority of my brain and my heart. I have always been the one who fixes things in my family. I feel this is the role of the middle child, the mediator. Stepping back and letting God take control is something I have always struggled with. I want everyone to like me and I want everyone to get along. I know this is not realistic but its the way I think. Again another middle child syndrome or maybe just a Lauren syndrome. I am facing a task later this week that I am not looking forward to. I hate confrontations regardless of whether or not I have done anything wrong. Today I am trying my best to lift this to God and let him speak to my heart.

School

As I enjoy my last sunday before classes begin I find myself excited and anxious, like a pre-schooler before his first day for kindergarden. Growing up I always felt this way, many of my friends did not so I always felt strange:) I got excited about school every year until about my sophmore year of college and I wondered if the excitement had left me forever. But as my excitement continues this year I know it has reemerged. This is such an exciting year for me. My first semester in the social work program, my last year of undergraduate, something I never thought would come and the realization that I know what I want to do for the rest of my life and I am excited about it! There is a long line of family members that love their job, something I feel is very rare in our society. Growing up I knew that whatever I did for a living, it would be something I loved to do, not just something that paid the bills. As I go through each class and as I volunteer at the Children's Cancer Center I know that I will love this career and it will be so much more than just a job.

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

Im getting ready to start my last year of undergrad and I cant believe how fast it has flown by. This picture was taken when I moved into the dorm my freshman year. Wow!

Think About It Thursday

I received my letter of acceptance yesterday to the school of social work. It was such a great accomplishment and looking back it all made sense to me. I didn't always start off wanting to be a social worker. I wanted to be a physical therapist, so I started in pre-medical sciences during which I started volunteering at the children's cancer center and met Mary Ann. I then realized that pre-med was not for me. I thought about getting my physical therapy aide degree but decided against that. A fellow sorority sister was in the social work program so I decided to check it out. After reading the description I thought this would be good for me. I took a semester of classes and then decided to go into education. After a few classes I quickly began to see that this was not my calling. So I went back to social work where I began to feel that this was where my heart was and I could love doing this for the rest of my life. I started my last semester of classes before I would apply to the program. I struggled and struggled with economics and was sure that it would be what would hold me back, but after much hard work I passed economics and was well on my way. The past few months over the summer I waited and waited some more and finally the letter came. Its amazing how such a short letter can impact your life so much! I start my first orientation on monday and my first social work classes on wednesday. I am so excited to be on my way to achieving my bachelors in social work. I am determined to do the best I can in each and every class I take. It is very evident that God's plan is always in play. I now know that my true calling is social work and all of the struggles showed me that.

Wordless Wednesday

For more wordless wednesdays visit 5 minutes for Moms

Life's Challenges

I am patiently waiting for my letter of acceptance into the social work program. I have never wanted something so bad and been so scared of rejection in my life. It has to be here by saturday since school starts on Monday. I have registered for some other classes I need for back up. For the first time in my life I know exactly what I want to do and cannot wait to do it! A great man once said that walls are put up so you can tear them down. Im determined to get through this program and be a social worker. Im just not sure how I will handle the rejection if I dont get in. Each day I go to the mail box praying its there and each day its not. Im not even sure I will be able to open it once it comes. I can only hope that it will be here today so I can deal with whatever the letter says.

A Simple Act Of Kindness

Game On!
While visiting Fifi Flowers Design Decor I discovered she has this great game that focuses on "paying it forward" and I wanted to play HERE ARE THE RULES: The exchange focuses on doing an act of kindness without expecting anything in return other than that the recipient will, in their turn, pass the kindness along and pay it forward.This is how it works... I am going to agree to send something fun, cute, & nice to the first 3 blog owners who post a comment on this entry. In turn, those three will post this information and pick 3 people they want to send something to and so on. If you are interested in participating, be one of the first 3 blog owners to leave a comment! The little something you send can be something you made, bought, were given or found. Just a gift that will make the person smile. There are no cost restraints, but don't go crazy! If you'd like to join in, be one of the first 3 people to leave me a comment. You have to promise that you will then post about this on your blog, link to me, and then send something to the first three people who sign up to play along through your blog. I hope people like this idea. It's a small way to bring a smile to some one's face!

Friday Foto Fiesta Finish

Happy Best Friends Day! With out this girl I do not know where I would be! I love you!!

I Believe

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we die
Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.
I Believe...That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe ...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...That my best friend and I, can do anything,
or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe...That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Think About It Thursday

Do you really know how many calories you are eating? Lately I have been writting down my calorie intake and it is truly unbelievable how many calories things have. Those peanut butter crackers have almost 300 calories!!! So do a little bag of cheese its. The sushi I have eaten from Publix is loaded with calories. I do believe this is the reason why I was not losing weight, I wasnt gaining weight because I was doing 45 min of cardio daily. I have seen a huge difference in my weight loss since I have started to write down what I eat. Dieticians say that writting down what you eat is a great way to help with your eating habits. You are more apt to look at what you eat if you have to write it down and know how many calories you are intaking per day. Try it for a couple of days, you may be very suprised as to just how many calories you are eating.

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday..Tell Me More

I am inpatient
I dont really like change, but I know its what is best
I am too sensitive
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I love music and feel it truly speaks to my soul
I smile when I'm sad
I love my family more than most people
The short time I was in the sorority I made some of the best friends I will ever have
I hate confrontation
I'm about to marry my best friend
I laugh at everything, and although some people may not like that it is what keeps me sane
I know the lyrics to just about every song
I love to ride with the windows down
I will always be a daddy's girl
My mom is my hero and I hope that one day I can be as strong of a woman as she is
I dont take time for myself
I want everyone to like me and yes I know that this isnt possible
Im still learning to love myself
I miss my brother everyday
I cannot wait to begin my social work career
I wish there was a cure for cancer

My Personal Prayer

My Personal Prayer


Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details - give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others' pains. Help me to endure them with patience, but seal my lips on my own aches and pains - they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all - but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Happy Birthday Brother

Today is my brother CJ's birthday. He is my older brother who died twenty four years ago from Neuroblastoma. For those of you who don't know, neuroblastoma is a rare form of pediatric cancer. I missed meeting him by just a year, something I did not know until I went to his grave for the first time after my uncle died in january. He died in 1986 and I was born in 1987. Its funny how you can have never met someone and love them and miss them so much. I only know what he looked like from the pictures, which are few are far between since he was only two. He looked like my mom's side and he loved lizards thats all I know. I think about him every day and know that my passion for helping those with cancer is deep rooted from losing him before I was even born. As sad as it was losing my grandmother, both grandfathers and my uncle I was at peace knowing that cj would have them as he sacrificed for so long. I know he looks down on me everyday and I feel better knowing that. I hope that I am making him proud and I look forward to the day we meet again and I can know his face for myself and tell him how much I love him.

I've Been Tagged

I was tagged by Ronda at rondasrants.blogspot.com
Rules...Use only one word to answer and then tag four people!
1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? ryan
3. Your hair? blond
4. Your mother? inspirational
5. Your father? hardworking
6. Your favorite thing?sun
7. Your dream last night?nonexistent
8. Your favorite drink? sunkist
9. Your dream/goal? Acceptance(school)
10. The room you're in? comforting
11. Your hobby? reading
12. Your fear? unknown
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? sucessful
14. What you're not? pessimistic
15. Muffins?blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? peace
17. Where you grew up? valrico
18. The last thing you did? breakfast
19. What are you wearing? shorts
20. Favorite Gadget?wii
21. Your pet? jake
22. Your computer?reliable
23. Your mood?hopeful
24. Missing someone? brother
25. Your car? corolla
26. Something you are not wearing?makeup
27. Favorite Store? Target
28. Like someone? everyone
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed?today
31. Last time you cried?yesterday

Life is Too Short

Life is too short
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness
Laugh when you can
Apologize when you should
And let go of what you can’t change
Love Deeply and forgive Quickly
Take chances, give everything, and have no regrets
Life is too short to be unhappy
You have to take GOOD with the BAD
Smile when you are sad
Love what you got and Always remember what you had
Always forgive never forget
Learn from your Mistakes but Never Regret

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,When the funds are low and the debts are high,And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,When care is pressing you down a bit,Rest! if you must; but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,As everyone of us sometimes learns,And many a failure turns aboutWhen he might have won had he stuck it out;Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer thanIt seems to a faint and faltering man,Often the struggler has given upWhen he might have captured the victor's cup.And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;And you never can tell how close you are,It may be near when it seems afar;So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

I've Learned

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away. I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

August!

First of all..I cant believe it is already august!! Second I am soo excited!!! School starts in a few weeks and this fall is a semester with so much to look forward to. I am hopefully starting my social work classes on and on my way to completing the last year of my undergraduate! Holy cow..I am graduating in a year! My sister is getting married in November!! I cant believe how fast that has flown by..but I couldnt be more excited for her. My future brother in law is an incredbile man and he treats her like the princess she deserves to be treated like. November also marks the official countdown to my own wedding! I will be trying wedding dresses, picking flowers, and making all the decisions to make our wedding all I have dreamed of. Wow what a year..graduating and getting married..the two things I have looked forward to for as long I can remember are finally in grasps! I am so excited to begin this wonderful journey!!

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

Old Habits Die Hard! Buffett concert every year since 6th grade!

Wordless Wednesday

We Miss You Abuelo!

For more wordless wednesdays check out:http://www.5minutesformom.com/3893/wordless-wednesday-23/trackback/

If You Want Me To

When Times are tough I just remember this song, I hope it can bring peace to all of those who need it.

If You Want Me To: Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you Then I will go through the fire If You want me to It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone ya oh oh noSo When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will go through the darkness If You want me to When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shoutGonna look into your eyes and see you never let me downSo take me on the pathway that leads me home to youAnd I will walk through the valley if you want me to Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Legend Dies

Randy Pausch, the man of the famous last lecture who inspired millions has lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. If you havent heard his lecture you should check out his page, it is more than inspiring:http://www.thelastlecture.com/

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

Atlanta Braves vs Marlins Game
Sightseeing in Atlanta
On The Cruise!
Entering the Bahamas

Happy Birthday Grandaddy

As most of you know my grandfather passed away a few months ago after suffering from a stroke, a heart attack and many other complications. I think of him everyday in everything I do. For those other than my family, my grandfather was a unique individual..he had these sayings that he would say on a daily basis. He said them so often that we all remembered them and could tell you exactly how he said them. Growing up and to this day I never understood why people hated their jobs or worked somewhere they hated, mainly because my father and grandfather have always loved their jobs and have such a passion for working. My grandfather died at age 84 and until he went into the hospital he was working six days a week. Even when he was sick I never ever heard him complain about work, he loved taking care of people and his patients. I was always impressed with his joy for life because he survived a very difficult time, the regime of batista. For those of you who don't know Batista was the dictator of Cuba before Fidel Castro, and he would kill people every night. He was so awful that the people of Cuba wanted Castro because they didnt think anyone could be worse than Batista, but that wasnt the case. My grandparents wanted their children out of Cuba, so they left for the states, but my grandfather was sent back because they thought he was a spy. For twenty plus years he was separated from his family in a place where people where shot every night. After 20+ years my grandmother got him over here from Mexico and he has been here ever since. He loved his family and my grandmother more than anything in this world. Most of our cuban relatives are in tampa, miami or orlando so when they had the opportunity to get together they had a wonderful time telling stories and singing, it was beautiful to watch. After my grandmother died, a part of him died too. It was comforting to know that when he left us he went to be with her. As I remember his birthday today I am overflowing with emotion and comforted that he gets to celebrate his birth with her, something he has not been able to do in four or five years. Happy Birthday Grandaddy, I love you, miss you, and strive to make your proud everyday.

Quirks!

Tag You're IT!
Ronda at Rondasrants.blogspot.com was tagged by jennifer and now I am continuing the game of tag:) Write six quirky things about yourself:
1. I talk to myself: I move my lips and someone, usually my fiance, points it out
2. I do the same thing every night before I go to bed, wash my face, take my medicine, brush my teeth and bring a glass of water with me to bed
3. I cant stand water on the windshield so even if it is just sprinkling I have the windshield wipers on.
4. I cant stand a change in plans..this is mostly my mother's fault but if plans change I tend to freak out..my fiance is usually the only one who takes the blow of this one.
5. I cant stand being late or running late, a huge pet peeve! I am normally ready atleast 30 min before I am supposed to be somewhere.
6. I love the disney channel, you can make fun of me all you want but I watch it every day!

Today

Today I hope this blog finds everyone filled with happiness and love and to always remember in the toughest times that someone is always suffering more than we are and if you count your blessings you will see that whatever is going wrong may not seem so bad. May God bless you today and everyday!

Love It

Ok, so thanks to my future mother in law, I am currently obsessed with Tori and Dean! I love it!!She has a jewelry line that she advertises on the show and I checked it out, I have decided it is my new favorite line of jewelry!!! Check it out!
http://jewelry.hsn.com/tori-spelling_c-j_a-4551_xc.aspx?prev=hp!sf

Remember

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cutus off in traffic last night, is a single mother who worked nine hoursthat day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do thelaundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed,disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final examswith his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging formoney in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is aslave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares
Help us to remember that the old couple walkingannoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shoppingprogress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsyreport she got back last week, this will be the last year that they goshopping together. Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all thegifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to sharethat love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those whoare close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quickto forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Book Give Away!!!

http://skrishnasbooks.blogspot.com/2008/07/page-out-of-life-book-giveaway.html
Ok so for all of you bookworms out there like myself S. Krishna's Books is doing a free book giveaway. The book is Kathleen Reid's: A page out of life. For all of you out there trying to consume less, whether for the environment, the lack of economic stiumulus or a little combination of both this is a great opportunity to get a new book for free, and its signed by the author! All you have to do is leave a comment before Tuesday July 15th 11:59 pm and promise to blog a review. Check back july 16th to see if you have won.
Just click on the book give away link and you are on your way to being the possible winner of an excellent summer read!

My Bucket List: This will be checked off before I die

1. Marry the love of my life
2. Travel to: Europe; especially Paris, France and the entire country of Spain, Pinar Del Rio, Cuba, Las Vegas, Australia, Alaska, and Hawaii.
3. Watch the cowboys play a game in Dallas
4. Run a marathon
5. Have a family
6. Be a good mother
7. Become a successful social worker
8. Ice skate in central park
9. Be Financially stable
10. Be a good wife

Im sure I will add more to this list. It is so important to take the time to smell the roses an important lesson I learned from my late uncle. When something as terrible as cancer takes over you, you begin to realize how important family and life in general is. Lets all learn this lesson and not wait until death knocks on our door to enjoy life!

Emma

Take the Quiz here!

I miss him

So as most of you know the end of last month and the bulk have this month ryan has been working in jacksonville. Im usually pretty good with being away from Ryan, but I have to tell you it is starting to take its toll. Growing up my dad was always gone so it was just something that I got used to. He would leave in February and not come home until October. But it was always different with ryan because he wasnt consistently gone like my dad was, every year I would prepare myself for my dad leaving, not that that made it easier but I knew it was coming. Ryan is not usually gone for work so this was a whole new experience all together. I am really trying to be positive about this and do things that I do not always make time for when Ryan is here. Since I am off from school until August I have really been taking the time to read new books and take new classes at the gym, both things that I enjoy very much, but sometimes things that I dont do if they interfere with dinner. (Some of the later classes at the gym) These next several days are going to be rough but we are making the most of it and are planning to have a very special date night when ryan gets home. So for those of you have your loved one with you, embrace that...although they may get on your nerves they are there and they love you.

Our Special Holiday

The fourth of July has always been a special holiday for Ryan and I. Growing up we both loved the holiday and when we met it was only natural that we loved to celebrate the holiday together. Every year other than the ones I was in the parade, Ryan and I have gone to the parade together; its a tradition we hope to continue once we have kids too. Its a silly parade but we always have so much fun. Two years ago a few days before the fourth of july we adopted Jake our puppy. He was only about 6 months old so we thought it would be fun to take him to the parade with his. He had a blast and was such a good sport, he even wore some beads:) He is too big for us to take him now but its always brings back nice memories to look at the pictures of him at his first parade. For now he is our baby and we love him so much!

The Future Mrs. Lauren Baer

Today marks a year to the most wonderful day of my life thus far. Last year on this date ryan proposed to me. I cant believe it has already been a year. When we originally got engaged I was not happy that I would have to wait a long time before the wedding planning even began, let alone a long time before we got married. Looking back now I would recommend it to any couple to wait. We have really had the opportunity to enjoy our engagement before the planning starts and becomes a little hectic. After a year of waiting in a few weeks we will begin our wedding planning and I couldnt be more excited! Ryan is my best friend and I could never imagine my life with out him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and over the past six years are relationship and love grows to levels I never even knew possible. I cannot wait to call myself his wife and to officially be a Baer.Our life is so blessed right now and I know we will only continue to find more blessings in our future.

Tattoo??

So for the past few years I have tossed back and forth the idea of getting a tattoo. I have always known what I wanted, just never sure whether I wanted it or not. The design above is a dove carrying an olive branch, it has numerous meanings but to me it has always symbolized a part of me that I lost several years ago. My grandmother's middle name was olive and when I began to contemplate the idea of a tattoo I knew I wanted something that symbolized olive and I found this. I have always feared the unknown and maybe thats why I havent done this yet, because its new and different and so very permanent and that scares me. I will not make this decision until I am 100% ready due to its permanancy. Until then I will continue to contemplate getting a tattoo, hopefully I will come to a conclusion sooner than later:)

Nerves

What are nerves? My dad says that being nervous just means your ready. I have been told this my entire life so everytime I feel the anxiety creeping up I try to remember that I am prepared. There are some obstacles in life that when it is all said and done I cant prepare anymore. I am currently awaiting the most difficult acceptance in my life thus far. My letter of acceptance into the social work program will be here sometime in August. I have completed all of the requirements for the program so it is just a matter of waiting and hoping that my name finds its way to an open spot. As my dream is to become a social worker and help those around me the rejection of this scares me more than anything in my entire life. So as I wait in anticipation these next few months I can only remember than I am prepared and whatever happens is out of my hands. And I also will remember that I will never give up because sometimes obstacles are placed in front of us to see how much we really want something. So I say bring on the obstacles, I am ready to overcome them!

Embrace Your Curves!

Over the weekend I decided to spend some time organizing and getting rid of stuff that I do not need or use anymore. I have a strange obsession with tshirts so I limited my drawer space to just the tshirts that I regularly wear. I got rid of clothes that I know regardless of how thin I am will never wear and I cleaned out the bathroom cabinets of old medicine and makeup. I not only enjoy doing this because it helps me to stay organized but I can also give the clothes and shoes to someone who will use them, which serves a much greater purpose than sitting in the back of my closet. A few things sparked this sudden urge to organize: 1. The book I just finished wear your life well talks about in order to succeed in life you must have a successful environment and 2. After my mom took me shopping last week I noticed that a lot of times I shop in the jr dept because that is where most of my friends shop. I have had numerous miserable shopping trips because their clothes just dont fit. I decided to try out the misses department and I fell in love. My clothes fit better with leads to a much more confident me. So part of the cleaning out was designed to get rid of those clothes that dont fit me and give them to someone they do fit. I think I have finally learned to embrace my body and know that everyone is built differently and if I cant shop in the juniors department thats ok!

Reading

As my summer classes ended yesterday I found myself rejoicing, not just because they were over but because I know have time to enjoy reading. Ever since I was a child I have always loved to read. When we would go visit my dad in the summer my mom finally had to get a library card because I read so fast and it was just too expensive to go to the bookstore. I try and read as much as I can during the school year but it is usually much to overwhelming with all the classes and finals and everything else. So for the next two months I get to enjoy reading whatever I would like. I am finishing up wear your life well and have a long list of books I plan on starting next. I would love any suggestions to add to the list.

Remembering

Today is the mark of what I hope to be an end to a very bad year. A year ago today I received a phone call that would shatter my life more than I could have ever imagined. My Abuelo had died unexpextedly, the man I had just seen a few days earlier for fathers day was gone forever. A man of ninety plus years was someone I never expected to lose and I never expected the impact it would have on my life. My grandfather was truly an inspiration to all and lived a life that most people will never live. He was a wonderful husband to the same women for over fifty years, in our society I consider this to be very rare and I hope to be able to do the same in my lifetime. He was able to see all of his granddaughters but one get married. He had six grandkids and nine great grandkids all but one of which he was able to meet. He passed on his beautiful gift of music to my brother and he was able to see him perform several times and watch him in awe. I have never seen someone so mesmerized by music and so proud of his grandson. He was able to contribute to all of his grandkids college educations, something he wanted very much so to do. Today I will remember my Abuelo and everything he stood for and meant to every life he touched. I love you abuelo, until we meet again

Comfort Zone

So I am reading this new book called wear yourself well. My mom actually recommended it a few months ago and I have finally been able to start it. The first chapter is on getting out your comfort zone, something I struggle with very much. I used to be so adventurous, always wanting to try new things and then something happened and fear and comfort overrided my joy for the new. Starting today my new goal is to get out of my comfort zone, to try something new. There is a class I have been wanting to take at the gym called Zumba, but I have been to scared to go alone. So my first out of the comfort zone challenge is to take that class within the next two weeks by myself. I encourage you to try something out of your comfort zone this month and try to think of it as an adventure and not worry about whether you will fail or how silly you might look.

Family

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some great quality time with my family. During baseball season this is very rare, usually when my Dad is in town after the games much of our attention is being shared with every other family member. Friday evening after the game it was just our family and it was so wonderful just to spend time with my family. This is something I feel that many people take for granted. I have always treasured the time with my family because it usually only happens from october to february. After ryan and I met I was so blessed to be a part of his family as well. They are a family that treasures family time as much as I do. We spend our times together talking and more recently enjoying the presence of nieces and nephews. Growing up I was always so upset when my dad left because part of my family was gone and then when my mom started traveling with him it was even more difficult because it wsa just my siblings, but now I have another family to call my own to spend time with, to laugh and to cry with. As my new life with ryan starts we will be starting our own family and I will feel even more blessed to not only have two families to share but also to share a family of our own with my husband. Life is good.

Value

To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one. To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam. To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby. To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.

Getting into shape!

I have started a new work out regiment in order to feel healthier and possibly shed some pounds before I begin my wedding gown search:) Last night I decided that I was going to stop drinking soda and not eat any fast food. I have dropped soda before and was successful but I have never completely cut out fast food so we will see how long I can do this. Today I start the healthy eating and cardio atleast three days a week. I will keep everyone posted on how I am progressing.

Moving On

I lost a very important friendship to me this past year, it was a long time coming but it was something that I could not let go of. She had been my best friend almost all through high school and most of college. After our first year of college I noticed that she was not the same person I once called my best friend, the one person I could not imagine my life with out. I kept telling myself that it would change, it was just a phase but as time passed it never did. We didnt talk for about six months and I began to feel extremely guilty like I had abandoned her so I decided to contact her. We hung out a few times and things were further from the same than they had ever been. Maybe its just the life paths we have chosen but maybe its just that our friendship served its purpose and now its time to move on. This is not an easy thing to accept especially for me. So as I write this I hope that I can learn to remember that people come in and out of our lives and when those friendships pass it is not due to abandonment but to the fact that the friendship has accomplished its purpose.

Trust In God

Sometimes life isnt all we "think" it should be. The storms are stronger than they should be and the sun isnt as bright as we would like it. This past year has been the first year of my life where I felt this way. Through it all in the back, sometimes the very back of my mind was that God knows what he does and this is what is supposed to happen. That is not alway easy to accept when you are weathering the storm, but some how as my faith grew I accepted it with every blow, especially those way below the belt. Although this was probably the worst year of my life, my faith grew to a level I never even knew existed. People used to tell me that they were just trusting God and I would be like yeah ok? Now I completely understand what it means to put all of your trust in God. As the days become difficult I remember that God is on my side and he will get me through this.

Long Boat Key

Here are some pictures from the beach in long boat key! My sister made this cake from scratch!!! Enjoy:)

Enjoying The Summer

So as many of you know I have been engaged for almost a year now, wow it is crazy how fast time goes by! The summer is always a difficult time for me because I have much more free time to look at wedding stuff which leads to me getting upset that it is not here yet. So after a frustrating day yesterday and a good night sleep I have decided to just enjoy the summer, no more wedding planning until my mom and I sit down and set a budget and a check list for what to do first. It seems that I get so excited about summer and never really enjoy it. So I have decided to do all the fun things that I have no time to do during the school year, going to the beach, reading a good book, taking classes at the gym, going to the movies, taking jake to the dog park. So for the first time in a long time I plan on enjoying my summer because soon I wont have summers to enjoy!

I saw god today

I have spent several months searching for a church to worship. While there were a few really great churches they just werent opening my soul to God in the way I wanted or yearned for. This morning I attended a church where an old childhood pastor preached and I have never felt so alive during a worship in my life. I had goosebumps as he preached and while I sat there I realized that this was it, I had found a home. After all that searching God truly spoke to my heart this morning in that service. It was there that I remembered something that is not always right in front of me, God is always there every day every minute even when Im not looking for him and I am so greatful for that. There is a song I recently heard that describes this the best. Its called I saw god today and its about how God is there in every wonderful and terrible moment; hes the calm after the storm and he is all the wonderful moments and stories. Today I challenge myself and you to be more observant of God's presence in our lives.

Unmotivated

As I was driving yesterday I saw this kid walk across the street wearing a shirt that said genius by birth slacker by choice. To some people this may be comical or just words but it deeply angered me. I have a very difficult time dealing with the fact that people have the ability and they dont use it. This kid may or may not be the definintion of his shirt but just the words on his shirt make my blood boil. When I was in school I had to work so hard and sometimes only make c's and my brother who could make a's with his hands tied behind his back just didnt care. He eventually began to understand the importance of school but I would get so angry and he never understood why. I hope that I do not suffer this with my own children someday because I dont really know how to deal with it. I can only pray for myself to be understanding and not jump to anger before explanation and for these kids to realize their full potential and use it as God has intended them to.

Learn To Be Still

Today is my day off and I have decided to spend it relaxing, something I seldom do. I dont always know how to be "Still" as my father and the eagles put it. I do believe that this is why I am always so run down. So I am challenging myself to enjoy the days where there is nothing to do instead of packing my day with so many activities. I have to remember that sometime it is nice just to be home by yourself to read watch tv or even just to clean. I dont cherrish the to myself time as much as I should. Today I will spend the day doing things for myself, getting organized, reading a book, and just enjoying some quiet time that I seldom have and know that in the years to come it will get smaller and smaller.

It has not been until recently that I have truly realized how important my family is. I always liked to hang out with my family, but it was just something I did. Something I assumed everyone did until I made friends who thought it was crazy that I ate dinner with my family every night. This is weird? I have done this my whole life I thought. Then as I met my fiance and soon to be husband I noticed that he enjoyed his families company as much as I did. Over the past five years we have spent so much time at family gatherings for both his family and mine and I knew that this was something that would always be important to me even after our kids are grown. I am now at a point where I look forward to those sunday dinners with his family or cookouts with mine and now that we have our own house I look forward to the family gatherings we can have there. It never matters what we do, just that we are together and it some how makes everything in life so much more meaningful. No matter what I go through turning to anyone in my family is always an option and a luxury that I have more recently learned that not everyone has and I am truly blessed for that. I love everyone that I call family!

After everything that I have gone through over the past year I have decided one thing,that life is too short to worry about what people think or who is mad at who. I have decided to live every day as if it were my last and try my best not to be too sensitive to what people say. I have such a blessed life, a wonderful family, fiancee, and extended family. I am about to start my last semester of college and earn a degree in something that I love so much. I cannot wait to help those in need, especially children. As the end of a bad year comes to a close (it all began in June) I plan to embrace the simple things that life has to offer.