It's Time for a New Year

2008 was definitely a trying year, one that at times I wasnt sure I would make it through. I lost people that I never thought I would, not this early anyways. As 2009 comes I want to put the bad behind me and remember all the good as I know 2009 is going to be a year of accomplishments, new dreams, and finally the year I will start my new life with Ryan. Tonight as midnight hits, I know that all the sadness and heartbreak of 2008 are behind me and although there could be more in the new year I know that I can handle it and that Ryan will be there with me every step of the way. Tonight I will raise my glass and toast to putting the bad in the past, where it belongs, and remembering the good as we move into another year. I hope this new years finds all of you happy and with great health and may God bless you:)

Remembering

Maybe it’s much too early in the gameAh, but I thought I’d ask you just the sameWhat are you doing New Year’sNew Year’s Eve? Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tightWhen it’s exactly twelve o’clock that nightWelcoming in the New YearNew Year’s EveMaybe I’m crazy to supposeI’d ever be the one you choseOut of a thousand invitationsYou’d receiveAh, but in case I stand one little chanceHere comes the jackpot question in advanceWhat are you doing New Year’sNew Year’s Eve?Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tightWhen it’s exactly twelve o’clock that nightWelcoming in the New YearNew Year’s EveWhat are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Every Christmas they play this song and a flood of emotions come to me. My grandmother used to sing this song to me every year. My brother and I used to spend every new years eve at my grandparents. I have these vivid memories of her in the kitchen cooking and singing what are you doing this new years eve, why dont you come spend it with me. Her own variation of the song. It was always so beautiful to me and it is one of the many memories I have of her. When I hear it its like she is looking down on me, telling me its ok. I miss her very much especially during the holidays and the song has always brought some sense of peace to me. When New years eve rolls around I will be thinking of her and know she is and always will be looking down on me until we meet again.

Just One of Those Days..

Some days I get in these weird moods and I dont know why or how to change them. I get agitated about minor things and I just feel really aggravated. I dont like being like this and usually it leads to fights that are not necessary. Im sure it is just hormones but I really hate it and it makes me feel like I have no control over my body. I usually try and do things to distract myself like watch tv or read. I thought maybe writting about it might bring some therapy. I think it is a combination of stress or worry and hormones. Due to Christmas I have no money right now and wont until next Friday. Fortunately I have all my gifts, but it still stresses me out and it is just another thing that I can't control. I know next year I will finally have a "real"job meaning I will be on salary with benefits and making a whole lot more than seven dollars an hour and I just keep holding on to that because I know life will be much easier, but sometimes in these moods I get hung up on things. Im praying to find some peace tonight and just enjoy this time with family and remember those we are missing during this time. I put my faith in God and know he will take care of me and those around me.

Maybe

Maybe I wasn’t ready for you to go.
Maybe I still had so much to show.
Maybe I love you wasn’t said enough.
Maybe there wasn’t enough time.
Maybe I wasn’t ready to say good-bye.
Maybe I wanted to walk across the stage.
Maybe I wanted you to see it and say GREAT!
Maybe I wanted to make you proud.
Maybe I wanted you to say wow!
Maybe your life ended too soon.
Maybe it just isn’t fair.
Maybe I want you to be there.
Maybe I wish I could have been there more.
Maybe it was you that I adored.
Maybe I loved you so much.
Maybe I wish you were here to touch.
Maybe I have to let you go.
Maybe I am just not ready to do so.

Christmas

Christmas is very exciting this year! This is Ryan and I's first Christmas in our house and together instead of splitting up and going to our own families separately. This year we will celebrate Christmas morning together and then go to our parents together. I am more excited about that, than any of the gifts. It is exciting to me to be starting our own traditions as well as partaking in those that our families have set for us. I still put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving just as my mom as done every year. I remember doing this as a child, I usually got ornament boxes down or handed her the limbs for the fake tree in the family room, but it was always fun listening to Christmas music and watching the tree take form. Im not sure what kind of new traditions Ryan and I will start, but I dont think traditions are something you plan out, I think they just happen. I can't wait to have our own traditions and pass them on to our future children and then look back several years and know that we will always do these things and perhaps our kids will pass them on to their families. It is a very exciting time! I am excited that this time next year I will be celebrating Christmas with a new name, a family of my own, being married to my best friend, and starting my very first career after college:)

FREEDOM

So, about a week and a half ago I could not wait for school to be out and have an entire month off. Now I am ready to go back, Im sure two weeks into January I will be cursing myself for this. I have never been one who can just relax, I always have to be moving. In the morning of a day with no plans I usually get dressed and just head out with no idea of where I am going. I think my reasoning for wanting school to start is more because I know how close I am to being done. I have to more semesters left in the program, so I am very anxious to finally start my career. In the mean time I have started to read again, something other than social work textbooks and it makes me so happy. I know not everyone likes to read but it is always something I have loved, since I was a little girl. I dont always have the time I would like so summers and christmas breaks have always been my chance to catch up. This summer I wont have much time since Im taking several classes, so I hope to read a lot over the next month. I have some how finished my Christmas shopping, so with no stressors I will read all that I can:)

It's TIME

Wow, so today is our engagement party and I have never been more excited!!! Ryan and I have been engaged for over a year now and this is the first time that the wedding is real. In a month I will be trying on wedding dresses and when I think about that it is sureal, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! I have never been more excited or more sure of anything in my life. Ryan and I have been together for over six years now and I truly can't wait to call myself his wife. We are a perfect team, he teaches me something new everyday and he is always trying to make me a better person. We better each other and I think that is something we will continue to do the rest of our lives. Tonight is the start of our wedding planning. Our families are meeting, some for the first time, and that is so important to me. There is nothing more important to me than family and I love both my new family and my originiating family and cant wait for them to meet each other. I know this time is going to fly by so I am trying my best to enjoy every seccond of it and cherrish it.

Im back..again

Ok so I know I periodically disappear and then return. The school semester finished today and I am vowing to be more active in my blogging..it just makes me feel better,less irritable. As my first semester of the social work program has come to a close I have been thinking about many things besides the fact that I now have an entire month to consume my life with something other than school. I am reflecting and realizing that this semester has alowed me to grow so much as a person, I am so different than I was when I first started my classes in August. I have developed so many incredible friendships that will continue to grow as we go through the next two semesters together and then graduate together. I am much more comfortable in my skin and for the first time in my life know exactly who I am and what I want to do in this world and I am excited about it! Over the next month I plan on being able to clean my house regularly:) catching up on some much needed leisure reading and just enjoying time off, time with out anything in particular to do...something I do not always handle very well, but realize that I need to just relax because after this month I wont have that opportunuty for a while. Not that I am complaining because the next eleven months hold so many exciting things, but being still can help me appreciate everything that lies ahead.